


Phases

by givemeunicorns



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Making Up, Missing Scene, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 22:18:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11883990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemeunicorns/pseuds/givemeunicorns
Summary: "Alec had a habit of splitting his life into two categories: before Magnus and after Magnus."~~~Set after 2x20, Alec reflects on life before and after he met Magnus, for better or worse.





	Phases

**Author's Note:**

> this one was written for Asher(myrddinwylt.tumblr.com) who requested morning after makeup cuddle talks. It's mostly introspective cuddles but i hope you like it!

Alec had a habit of splitting his life into two categories: before Magnus and after Magnus. It was not that his life had been unlivable before Magnus; for all his trials, he'd had a sense of purpose. Despite his parents pressure, the driving need to conform to the needs of the Clave, he's had siblings that loved him. It wasn't that nothing about his life was good or that he'd never been happy, it was simply that, before Magnus, Alec had no idea the sort of life he wanted, and many of the things found himself wanting, he knew he couldn't have. It seemed to him that everything was already decided, regardless of how he felt about it. His place in the world had been clear, and it was supposed to be his job, his duty, to fit into it. He was a Lightwood after all; his path should have been clear. There had been expectations and a plan and anything outside of that plan didn't matter.

After Magnus though, the world presented a sometimes terrifying amount of possibilities. Before Magnus, Alec had spent so much trying to crush and twist himself into the narrow mold he thought he was supposed to fit. After Magnus, Alec found himself almost frightened at how wide and complicated the world had become. A year ago, the mere thought of wanting Magnus to be close to him sent him bolting to the training room, desperate for something familiar to focus on, for some way to release the pint up nervousness. He'd train until he could force those feelings and desires back into their shadowy corners. It would never have crossed his mind that he would actually long to lock eyes with a man that made him feel breathless and giddy. He never would have dreamed a day would come in his life when he looked forward to coming home and kissing his boyfriend, telling him how beautiful he was or how much he loved him. That was the stuff of fairy tales, of mundane movies that played out unrealistic romances. He never would have allowed himself to imagine touching another man so casually, with so much passion, as he allowed himself to touch Magnus. A year ago, Alec would never have let himself imagine what Magnus's constantly moving hands felt like on his skin. Now, some days he thought of little else. He certainly never would have let himself think of what he was doing now, sprawled out on his side in Magnus's bed, head pillowed on his arms.

Magnus lay next to him, his body mirroring Alec's, breath raising in failing in the deep, even candor of sleep. Alec reached out, brushed the backs of his fingers along the curve of Magnus's jaw. The warlock, sighed, shifting closer to Alec's warmth. The young shadowhunters smiled, curling himself into the warmth of Magnus's body. He wrapped his arms around the warlock's waist, one ear pressed to Magnus's breast, listening to the familiar, steady thunder of his heart beat.

The past week had been one of the longest of his life. Between Max's care, the hunt for Sebastian, and the threat of an all out down world rebellion, Alec had tried to convince himself he could push aside his feelings for Magnus. Emotions made you weak, he told himself, trying to forget all the ways he'd begun to untangle himself from that statement these past few months. He had soldiered on through heartbreak and pain before, but nothing in his young life had ever felt like this sort of heart ache. Every thought seemed to wind back to Magnus, to the hurt on his face, in his voice when he'd stood in Alec's office and snarled at him that maybe lying ran in the family. His life had been split into two parts, before Magnus, and after Magnus. But suddenly, he'd found himself facing a new, even more terrifying chapter; without Magnus. The idea had suffocated him. He remembered how to be callous, how to cage himself up as tightly as he could, how to cover the bars with harshness and sharp words. He could survive that way, sure, but he couldn't live like that, now that he knew the difference between living and surviving. So when the chance had come, one last shining chance to close the wound he'd created between them, Alec reached for it and leapt.

“I can't live without you,” he'd said, soul laid bare in a neon lit alleyway. If a lie of omission had landed him here, the truth was the only hope of digging his way back out.

Magnus looked at him the way he always did when Alec said he loved him, with that heartbreaking softness in his dark eyes, as if he couldn't quite believe it. It was a look that Alec had learned well, one that still broke his heart, even in the face of everything that had happened the last few days. Magnus, who had taught him the the difference between surviving and living, was still so surprised that someone could love him, every old wound and every sharp edge. When Magnus kissed him, it felt like coming up for air. Every hurtful word passed between them was forgiven, but not forgotten and Alec knew he would spend the rest of his life atoning.

They'd walked home , Alec's arm over Magnus's broad shoulders and the warlock's tucked around his waist. The easy silence stretched between them, turning into needy kisses and shared breaths and whispered 'I missed you's the minute the door closed behind them. The feeling of home had settled on him like a warm blanket, a familiar embrace. Tomorrow he would let himself think about the next step, tomorrow they would try again to navigate the waters of power and how their relationship fit into that, but tonight, all that mattered was Magnus' mouth against his, a gentle voice whispering against his skin as he reacquainted himself with the angles and curves of Magnus's body. Tonight, all that mattered was the they were alive, that they were thriving and together and in love.

Long fingers combed gently though his hair, and Magnus's shifted against him.

“Penny for you thoughts Alexander,” he asked, dropping a kiss into Alec's hair, his voice rough with sleep.

“Just that I love you,” Alec breathed, pressing a kiss to Magnus's breastbone.

Magnus's arms tightened around him and he listened to warlock whisper the sentiment in kind against his skin as sleep pulled them both down.

 


End file.
